Tuesday, February 14, 2012

So it is in fact Valentines Day but that is totally irrelevant to my blog or even me.
Hanyvays.

So first semester of college was a little rough. I feel like I put myself into this depressive mode. I was bummed...a lot. Because I missed Croatia and my friends and my life. But I couldn't let myself move on. I was stuck in that Croatia life and I didn't want to move onto the next part of my life. I mean...lezbehonest...who would want to?
But anyways I didn't put myself out there all that much. I spent too much time dwelling on the past, missing it. I didn't have a lot of friends here and I didn't have much of a life outside of my dorm room.
But now that it's second semester, I find myself feeling like I spend more time outside with people and not sitting around filling my head with sad thoughts.
I'm happy right now!
It's amazing.
I had talked to my Croatian friends and they had all seemed fine and dandy. They had their friends, their jobs, their school work and whatever else to help them. Awesome for them. But basically I was the only one stuck in that funk.
When I look back at first semester though, I feel like I was lost. Like honestly, I wasn't as goofy and silly and weird and loud as I used to be. I was so depressing. I think I was bitchy to people and kind of short tempered.
Now when I'm with my friends I feel like Emma again. I see her coming back more and more each day.
I thought I could be strong enough to be myself without anyone's help. I figured I was strong enough as a person to not need help. And I hate admitting to anyone especially myself that I need help. But here's Emma being honest like she's learned to be. I needed help. Not like serious help where I need to be medicated or therapy, God no. I mean like someone to make me feel better.
But I guess it's true. I get by with "a little help from my friends" as the song goes.  It honest to God surprises me every time just how much just having a friend can make things better. Lucky for me I have more than just one. It's surprising how just one person can make you feel better. Feel more alive and crazier.
It's freaking Valentines Day! And I'm more than happy to just have friends to spend it with.
So this is my blog I suppose just telling everyone that Emma is fine. Emma is happy. Emma is crazy. Emma is Emma. Just being merely Emma again is good enough to make me feel like life is good.