So all my friends told me college was awesome. They said they loved it. It was amazing. They loved the freedom with the chosen responsibilities and learning things they actually wanted to know about. And let's be honest, they said they loved the parties. They all made tons of friends right away and went to parties, had fun moments that they probably can't remember due to certain substances and just had a blast.
I came to college with that perspective in mind. I mean I'm pretty sure that my freshmen freak out was my year in Croatia, so now that I'm here, everyone is overwhelmed and freaking out about the parties and the freedom. That was me last year. It ain't so exciting to me now.
I just want to point out I came here with an open mind, and it's still open, waiting.
But when you spend a year of your life appreciating just about every second of it, living it to the fullest and living it on the edge, the life after that year better be just as exciting or it ain't nothing at all. I mean, it's like that Queen Latifa movie where she finds out that she has a terminal illness and doesn't have much time to live, like three months or something. So she goes crazy. Doing things she never thought she'd ever get to or just things she kept putting off. She lived her life the extreme of the fullest. And then she finds out after going crazy for the past few months, obviously living like there's no tomorrow, that she isn't dying after all. Like shit. That's what goes through my mind. What now? How do you live life being content with it after living it the fullest extent you could? You know? That's what I'm going through. This isn't about Croatia specifically. I mean of course I miss it like crazy, but I'm used to that and that's settled. And I miss my friends from Croatia like crazy but I'm also used to that feeling. But this is something that's just hit me. This entire summer I felt it but I kept thinking well in college I'll forget all about it and live a fun exciting life again. But so far, it looks like I was wrong about that. It's sort of been a bad day so maybe I'm just being a over dramatic teenage girl. I'm good at that. But today I went to my classes, had lunch, job searched, went to the library to just have a conversation with a rude librarian to come back home, empty handed feeling lost, bored, and confused. I just don't know what to do. School work, yes mom I know. I've been doing that, which is good, but strange for me since it's all done about a week before it's all due. That ain't me. Make friends? This ain't exactly kindergarten and there are plenty of people on campus living like they're still in high school, which I'm thinking will blow over soon (hoping is more like it). There isn't much to do here...and life is boring to me and it extremely excruciating for me to be bored...like this.
But my hopes are that as soon as I start a job, volunteer work, hardcore homework, searching more exchange programs, that I'll be so stressed by everything that I won't feel this...empty? That's a sad word to use. I'm not depressed. I just feel like I'm missing something.
Also, my math class is for 6th graders. I canNOT take it.
Boo college.
Okay this little girl is going to find something else to be all over dramatic about. Maybe Justin Bieber. We shall see.
later homies
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